dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
