I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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