Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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