you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
