I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
