bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
