I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
