if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
