Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
