I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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