piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
