im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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