I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it was like eating out sand paper
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
