Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
