you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
