last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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