I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
