We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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