omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
