I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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