Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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