Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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