My liver just broke up with me...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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