I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
