Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
third nipple confirmed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
