i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
