please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize