I cannot find my penis.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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