Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
