just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
