Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
