her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
