I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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