You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
