Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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