Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
