What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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