you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
