How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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