peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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