If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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