the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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