peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
