HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
