in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
