I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Text me some of your sweat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
