True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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