was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
