dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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