Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
