these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
