i think my tv is drunk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
