Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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