the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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