My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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