I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize