absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
