I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
