Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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