fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
