Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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