I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
