if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
