I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The Olympian is in my bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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