The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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