Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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