3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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