So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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